Not everybody likes to follow tradition— there are hundreds of variations that can be substituted and used in every aspect of your wedding. This holds true for your wedding vows, as well. A lot of couples opt to write their own wedding vows either instead of or in addition to saying the traditional ones. This allows you to be more personal with both your partner and your guests. It is a great way to put into words how you feel about your partner and how much they mean to you — something that should be easy and fun to do, right?? Not so much.
For some reason, most people who decide to write their own vows tend to get super stressed out about what to say, how long it is, and what the other is writing. The best tip you can get when writing your vows: have fun with it!! This should be enjoyable. Think about it — you’re talking about the person you love, who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, what could be stressful about that? Just Relax… Smile… and Breathe!
Once you are relaxed, you should decide how you want to write these vows. There are two different ways to go about writing them: you can choose to write with your fiancé or without your fiancé. Both have their pros and cons, but whichever you decide upon, you should follow the same basic guidelines.
First, whether you’re writing with your fiancé or not, you should set some basic rules. Make sure you are both on the same page about the general aspects of your vows. For example, how long do you want the vows to be? You should allot a specific number of sentences or lines so one of you doesn’t recite a novel while the other only says a few things. How long it is depends on what you both want. You can say amazing things in 5 minutes, 5 lines, or even 5 words.
Next, you need to start brainstorming. Grab some paper and start writing your little heart out! Your ideas don’t need to be complete thoughts yet, this is just an exercise to get your brain working. Write about why you love them, what your favorite qualities about them are, how you met, how your life has changed since meeting them, your favorite memories, your favorite stories, what you see in your future together — anything and everything to get your mind flowing and to remind yourself of the wonderful things you’ve shared together. Although you probably won’t give a play-by-play of how you met when you’re standing at the altar, you could use these memories to remind yourself how you felt back then. Remember that a vow is a promise you are making, it should be based on emotions, feelings, your commitment, and your future together.
After you have a sufficient amount of material, you want to start organizing your thoughts and picking out the really important things you want to say. You don’t need to write the final draft right away, but this is a good step to getting there. Once you have the heart of your material all figured out, you can start putting it into fluid words and thoughts. You can always change, tweak, add and take out whatever you want during this process. Make sure it flows and sounds nice, but most importantly, make sure it comes from your heart!! And remember, it doesn’t have to be serious. Some people choose to put a comical spin on it or something that reflects their character.
After you have your vows all written out and it sounds like you, it is up to you to decide on whether you want to share what you have with your partner or keep it a surprise until the big day. Whichever you choose it totally up to you. However, if you decide to keep your vows to yourself, you might want to recite it to someone close to you to make sure it sounds okay and flows well, just in case. If not, practice it out loud so at least you can hear it. Make the necessary adjustments and you’re all set!
Congratulations!! Now you are ready to walk down the aisle and stand next to your partner and express your deep love to each other. That wasn’t so bad, was it?? I told you it would be a fun and positive experience!
Happy writing!
Kaitlyn
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